Mistakes aren’t the problem—Our fear of them is
This week I sat in my son’s parent-teacher interview. His teacher said something that stayed with me:
“He’s doing well, but he won’t put his hand up unless he’s sure he’s right. He’s afraid of making a mistake.”
And I felt it.
That twist in the gut.
How have I raised a child who’s afraid to make a mistake?
But almost immediately, I noticed what I was doing.
I was judging myself. Feeling like I’d made a mistake in parenting.
Doing the exact same thing he was—trying to get it all right.
It was a moment of insight:
We don’t grow out of this fear—we carry it with us into meetings, teams, leadership roles.
And we call it professionalism.
The real cost of avoiding mistakes
In workplaces, I see it often:
People not speaking up in group settings
Team members holding back questions or ideas
Leaders stuck in overthinking because they’re afraid to get it “wrong”
It looks like passivity, silence, indecision.
But underneath it? It’s the fear of being exposed. Of making a mistake.
And the cost is huge: less learning, less creativity, less growth.
Mistakes = learning in progress
My daughter’s teacher does something I love.
When kids make a mistake in their writing, they draw a box around it and put a bow on top.
Because in her class, mistakes are a gift.
A sign that you’re trying. Learning. Paying attention.
And that’s exactly what the research tells us - our brains are more engaged when we make and correct a mistake than when we get it right the first time.
It’s not a detour—it’s the process.
What if it’s not even a mistake?
I studied graphic design before I discovered psychology.
I married the wrong person before I understood what partnership really meant.
I stayed in the wrong jobs, relationships, conversations—until I finally learned to trust myself.
Were those mistakes? Or were they necessary steps?
Looking back, they gave me clarity I couldn’t have gained any other way.
We need to stop treating mistakes as failures and start seeing them as part of the path.
Leadership starts with how we treat ourselves
At the heart of the Unifying Workplace Method™ is self-unity: The ability to stay connected to ourselves, even when things don’t go to plan.
Because if we can't hold space for our own learning, we’ll struggle to hold it for others. We’ll shut down, stay small, play safe. And we’ll unconsciously create cultures where other people do the same.
True leadership starts with how we respond to our own missteps.
So instead of asking, “How do I avoid mistakes?” What if we asked, “How might this misstep actually be guiding the way?”
Put a bow on it!
Next time something doesn’t go to plan—pause.
Take a breath.
Draw a mental box around it. Add a bow.
And remind yourself: this is the gift.
Not just a detour — but a guide.
It’s pointing to something you couldn’t see before.
This is where the learning lives.
Where the growth happens.
And where real leadership begins.